Sand Everywhere

I always apoligize when I write these. I always seem to come to my blog and realize just how long it's been since I've done one of these. And I feel bad, like you're offended or something that I haven't done a blog update in a while. I'm usually a broken record of apologizing. But not this blog. I've been doing things. Doing things that I can blog about. Giddyup.
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     So I just back to Iowa on Saturday night. Before that, I was in a bus for 22 hours, driving from Florida, where I spent six days in Panama City Beach, and before that I was in a bus for 22 hours driving from Iowa. In less than 9 days, I was in a charter bus for 44 hours. Almost two days with no showering, no teeth brushing, and horrible dieting. But it's between those two Hellish days of chartering that my story comes to life. Come along.
 
     So this is the first time I've cracked open my computer since Florida. I took it there in hopes that I might blog a bit while there, and maybe get a chance to Skype my girlfriend. Neither really happened. The only time I opened it was to look at the movies I had to see if I wanted any on my phone. However, in the short time I used it, I managed to get white sand all over the place. There's white sand in every crevasse. There's white sand in my suitcase and in my messenger bag. White sand in my clothes, and I even found some in my ear on the way back to Iowa. Not to mention that I actually found some in my teeth yesterday. MY TEETH. How that happened I haven't the foggiest. And while it's annoying and disgusting, I love it. It takes me back to the 70+ degree temps and the ocean.

This ocean.

Yours truly. Hanging loose.

 



But that's not all. See, Florida wasn't just a vacation. It was a project. I got to spend several hours a day on the beach hanging out with people. New people. People I'd never met before. I had the privilege of talking to them about life; their majors, their jobs, their friends, their everything. And while that was great, it wasn't my goal. My goal was to get the conversation to a place where I could share the gospel with them. And I did. I got to have spiritual conversations with over 20 people, and shared the gospel with six of them. I had two hour chats with atheists-turned-agnostics, born again Christians, and everyone in between. Plus, I wasn't alone. There were over 800 other students from around the country that went out with me and did the same thing I was doing. In 4 short days of Evanglism, we had spiritual conversations with over 3,000 people, shared the gospel over 1000 times, saw 250 Christians re-commit their life to Christ and saw 90 new people come to the Lord. NINETY! And while that may seem a bit low, since 90/3000 is only 3%, here's what you need to know...

" I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."

Luke 15:7

 

How fantastic is that? Rejoicing in heaven. Countless angels and terrifying creatures made to worship God are all in rejoice for just one person repenting to salvation. Multiply that by 90, and it shakes me up to the point that I can hardly go on writing. We serve a mighty God. Aweful (full of awe, not the negative conotation) and majestic.

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     While evangelism was really awe inspiring, I think what I brought back with me the most is just what beaches do. Beaches are typically warm, sunny, destinations that draw in people from all over the place to come and party. In one day during Spring break, there are over 100,000 people on a three mile stretch of beach. 100,000 in less than 16,000 feet of beach front. That's pretty amazing. Most of these people come here to escape their lives; to drink, party, hook up, and forget what is behind them and probably is waiting for them back in their homes. People come to beaches to lose themselves, and I think it's a perfect place to hit them with the truth about Jesus. I've been thinking about something pretty profound:

 

There's sand everywhere. There are beaches everywhere.

 

I hope you had a helmet on for that, I'd hate to have your minds blown all over the place. The point I'm getting at is that Panama City Beach isn't the only beach. It's not the only place people are escaping to. I think most of us try to escape our lives every day; we go on vacations, we go on walks, we drink alcohol, we have sex, we do drugs, we go to church, we look at porn, we read our Bibles in vain, we cook, we clean, we watch TV, we get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, we go to school, we make new friends, we get married, we go to work, we have kids. And not all of those are bad, but I think it's important to see that if our hearts are in the wrong place, that every one of the things listed can be an unhealthy escape.

 

But there's hope. I firmly believe that by faith in Christ, that you don't need an escape. You can go anywhere, do anything, endure all, and never lose joy. Christ partners with you to see God's name be made great. He imparts the Holy Spirit to you so that you have the essence of the most-high God with you always. God gives you his righteousness and adopts you as his child. And when you're there, there's never a need for an escape. There are never vacations from God. Once you've given your life over to him, he promises that there is nothing that can snatch you from his firm, loving hands.

 

I know this blog was kind of flighty and not the most well put together. I'm tired and need some food. I'm going to go do that. Before I do, look at some more pictures of me and stuff.

 

I made a ham quesadilla. You wanted to know that.

This s ice cream from the Pink Pelican. It's my favorite ice cream joint.

Who can resist the greasy goodness of the Waffle House? Healthy people, that's who.

I'm gonna be killin it when I'm an old man. #SWAAAAAG.

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Thanks for stopping by, people. You're pretty dang awesome. 

 

 

 

I Forgot the Catchy Title

I decided that I need to be more consistent. And I'm going to be. You see, dear reader, I often have these ideas for blog stuff. I'll be eating a sandwich or drinking coffee or watching Seinfeld and it'll hit me...

The idea. It's just something that everyone's going to want to read about.
But I don't blog about it. I just forget. I'll excuse the blog. Excuses flood in. "The sandwich isn't gone." Or "I can't let this expensive coffee go bad" or "Man I'm just like George Costanza". And like that (makes a "poof" noise) it's gone.
And I'm convicted, because I'm inspired by what other people do. The ways people express themselves never ceases to excite me about life. Even if I hate how you express yourself, atleast you're doing it. I'm reminded that this blog is a way that I do it. God has words for you that he wants me to tell you. And I have no idea what they are. But I have faith that God will use the incoherent babble that spews from my seductive lips to do his work on this planet. And I cannot let the distractions in. The majority of my life, I've been in a constant state of distraction. There have been so many that have slowed me down. Girls. Video games. Facebook. Twitter. Ladies. Queen (the band, not Elizabeth II, though she is quite stunning). Food. Sex. Television. Alcohol. Friends. Females. My looks. They've all jettisoned me into a world of distraction. I'm taken by the pretty lights and the sounds and I'm rushing away from the real. And out of the swirling pantomime comes a whisper

"I'm here when you're ready", He says, like an old friend wanting to catch up, "I'm here."
"Ok", I say, "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Or maybe the next. I'll get around to it."

How can I respond so nonchalantly!

The one who knows me better than I do, the one who created it all, and the one who brought me back from despair simply wants me to talk to him, and I put it off! I'm reminded of distractions all the time. And you know,  there will always be sandwiches. And good coffee will always spoil if not promptly drank. And Costanza will always be a neurotic schlub. But God is always new. He's constant and unwavering, but always new. He wants a few words. He wants us to turn it all off for a minute and try to see him. He just wants us.

So to make a short point painstakingly long,  I'm coming back. I'll be using my phone to blog more, so there may be some more sporadic blogging, and much stranger subject matter. But it's coming. A new sun rises and you'll get to see it through my eyes if you stay with me.

Today was a tough day for me. I'm getting sick. And I've been as emotional as a 14 year-old girl. Some of this blog has been a testament to that.

Thanks for reading. You're cooler than me.

Learning.

Mornin'

     Well. It's early. I've actually been up for about a half an hour, depressingly enough. I had the weekend off and I forgot to call in on Saturday and see what I worked. So I woke up at 6:45, assuming I worked at eight. I work at ten. So I now have all kinds of time to blog! Hooray. Well this weekend had all kinds of things. I'll explain.
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     I was in Omaha this weekend, visiting my girlfriend who was in her school's version of the "Little Women" Broadway musical. My girlfriend was on Bible College Broadway, if I can call it that. And while her role wasn't the biggest, or one that she'll probably look back on super fondly, it brought a lot of joy to my heart seeing her up there, big false nose and all.

    What I'm realizing is just how much I've learned in the last month we've been together, and don't get me wrong, this isn't a gushy blog about dating and feelings. I'm still me, whether I have a girlfriend or not. However, I've been learning more and more just how being a boyfriend works.

     Now you might be thinking,

 

"Jon, you've had a girlfriend before. You SHOULD know how this works."

 

     And you're right. And wrong. The thing is, that this is the first relationship that I've been a part of since I came back. You see, I've tried so hard to detach myself from the old Jon, and all the crap I was involved in before, that I really don't remember it. I've been praying earnestly for forgetfulness the last few months. Yeah, that's right. Praying for forgetfulness. That God would take away all the stuff from my memory that used to define me. And it's been working. I've been remembering less and less about the man I was, and naturally a big part of that involves my past relationships. Not to sound corny, and believe me, I'm aware that this is slightly out of context, but this verse was on my heart this morning,

 

 ^"And He who sits on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' And He said, 'Write, for these words are faithful and true.' Then He said to me, 'It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost. He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son.' "

-Revelation 21:5

     

     I've read this verse a few times in my life, and never really gave a lot of thought to it, but I'm living proof that this is true. He's made a new creation out of me. A "me", that not a year ago was still pretty heavily rooted in sin. A "me" that was living dishonestly and didn't care. A "me" that wanted to jump back into dating thinking I was a hot-shot Christian Fonzie that was just going to be some kind of lady killer. But more importantly he took away the suicide. He took away the loathing. He took away the desire to drink until I couldn't see, and "party" like it was my last night alive (which it could've been, time and time again). He drew me from the pit and allowed me to overcome. And the verse makes my inheritence sure. Because of his goodness, I will be given the spring of the water of life. He will (and is) my God and my identity is that of his child. And my relationship has been a big redemptive analogy. I'm literall re-experiencing things for the first time. God has a way of genuinely making things new.

     

     Being a real Christ centered boyfriend is a new experience for me. I take new joy in little things, like having a hand to hold. I have a new sense of responsibility, like finding ways for us to connect with God together. And while I'm new at this in a lot of ways, leaning on Christ and learning from him have been the most encouraging and exciting things that I've experienced. And while I may seem like some sappy "Churchie", I want you to know that this is all very real. I want to offer you that same hope. The same regeneration. God may be knocking at your door, and I'd hate for you to miss it, like I did for so long. If you ever feel the need to talk about it, I'll talk to you. I don't care where you are in life and I have no judgment or condemnation for you. Just the same love that was shown to me when I was at my worst.

 

      Thanks for stopping by, friend. You bring me a lot of happiness.

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          P.s. The three of us are the proud owners of a cat named Tyrone this week. There's already been enough happening to write a blog about, so I'm sure before the week's end there will be updates galore. See y'alls later.

 

   

 

     

    

Out With the Old, In With the News

I never really know how to start these things. So I'm telling you that.

Thanks for reading this today. The fact that I still average over 70 reads per blog is truly a gift in my life. You're great reader. And you should know that.
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     Well I'm still on vacation. And as this is my first vacation of the new year, I really want to feel like a vacation. So I've been dressing like this...

 

 

     Yep. That's me. In a Hawaiian shirt. In the middle of January. The two times that I've left my apartment since I've been back to Ames, I've gotten looks and comments about dressing this way. Friends have called me a hipster, which is probably untrue, as hipsters are usually seen as cool by somebody. I've also been called an old man, which is probably closer to the truth. It dawned on me, however, just how much more I feel like I'm actually on vacation when I'm wearing clothes like this. Because no one should feel like they're on vay-cay in sweatpants and a mustard stained v-neck that I've had for five years. They should feel unemployed. Well that's what my vacation update. Moving.

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    My day hasn't consisted of much. I woke up and drank coffee. I read some John Owen. I watched Anchorman with my roommate Orion (he'd never seen it before, what?) and I talked to my mom about our trip to Omaha tomorrow so my parents can meet my girlfriend.

 

Yeah. I have a girlfriend.

    

     And I don't have any illusions that I have anyone who reads my blog that isn't my friend on Facebook or Twitter follower, so I'm guessing this isn't news to anyone. But I just wanted to announce it, because well,  it's a pretty positive thing you could say. I'm one of the last people that deserves a girlfriend. I've messed up in life and I've lied and I've hurt peoples' feelings and I've just been a mess. And yet I get to have a girlfriend. And she's lovely, to boot. Her name is Whitney. She loves Jesus. She's hilarious. She's short. And what may be one of her best traits is that she's chosen to identify herself with me, which I can only assume is rare gift.

 

     Today marks the two week period in our relationship. I actually originally typed out "two week anniversary", but I think when people use anniversary for anything less than a few months, they're just trying to make their relationship look more serious and committed than it is. We've dated two weeks. And what's been a recurring theme in our discussions is that we've really just ruined each other's lives. See, she was entirely content with being single. In spite of her being surrounded by friends who were married, engaged, or dating someone, she was at a point where she was truly OK with being single. Enter Jon. Not two months ago, I swore off women. I was EXCITED about being single forever. I'd never have to worry about getting a good job, and I'd be free to go wherever I wanted. I was free and untethered. And then she walked into my life. Now we knew each other for 14 months before we started dating, so it's not like she just showed up. But she's here now. If you're interested in how it all went down, get at me, I'll be happy to tell you.

 

    While I do really like her and so far this blog has pretty much just been about her and Hawaiian shirts, neither are my point. In my last blog I mentioned a person who used to be very important in my life. He was the Old Jon. He ran my life and dictated most of my decisions. Fortunately, and by God's grace, he's dead (or, at least terminally ill). It's just been so polarizing to look back at who I used to be and then see where I am now. Realizing that all those times I swore off women with spite in my heart and beer in my belly, that God had different plans. Those nights I lay collapsed on my bedroom floor weeping into the rug (it's currently in my living room, and I'm looking at it) despairing about being alone, God had other plans. Those days I would sit and ponder just how fun it is to be single, and that I wasn't going to play into all that Christian nonsense about dating and I was just going to be serving the Lord alone until I was dead, God yet still had other stuff planned. And I'm not here to say that marriage is an inevitability, because a lot can happen. But it took me this long to realize that since I've been redeemed by the God of the universe, that I'm okay. I didn't need to be single, but eventually I wanted to be. I don't need to have a girlfriend, but I'm choosing to. And I think therein lies the secret. That God desires our contentment, and as long as they glorify him, he loves our decisions. He puts up blockades in our lives to keep us from having the things we want before we're ready. You see, Whitney and I could've potentially started dating in November of 2011. And if we had, I have little doubt that we would've broken up by now. We were both in terrible places, carrying more baggage than the other would've wanted to handle. It took fourteen months of God pushing, prodding and pruning to get us both to a place where we were okay where we were, and then by his sense of humor he drew us together. He's funny.

 

     And so while I'm going forth into the first Godly relationship I've ever been in, I'm constantly reminded that it is God that must be saught. That while I'm blessed with having a woman in my life, that God must be my first love. If I'm ever again reduced to a sniveling pile of tears on this rug, he will still be my redeemer. And if I ever again submit to the Enemy and the Old Jon rises once again, God will be the one who will again tear me from the hand of sin and evil. He is my first love and my last and everyone in between simply points to those truths. .

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     Well, both of my roommates are here now and I have yet to hang with both of them simultaneously, so I'm going to do that. Thanks for stopping by and we'll see you again real soon.

 

    

Old Jon and the Idle Wednesday

Good morning.

 "2:10 AM", says my computer.

2:10 in the morning. And I'm awake. Me. Jon Dziurawiec. It's not right. I should've been to bed at least 3 hours ago. An old guy like me can't afford to be awake this late, right? Wrong.

I have the week off Fareway. Now, when most 24-year-olds have a week off of work, it's called a vacation. They usually do something. Take a trip, fix something around the house, drink copious amounts of alcohol. Something. But I have nothing planned...

     If you were sitting in my living room just now, you would've heard one of the loudest and most satisfying sighs in all of time. I have a week. To do nothing. I've noticed though, that since I'm not like a normal 24-year-old, that psychologically this week doesn't feel like a "vacation", but like a "break". You know, like when you were in grade school and you had "Spring Break" (my school still called it Easter Break, but whatever). I can do whatever I want, and I simply have this feeling that this will be an immature week for me. I'll probably not put pants on unless absolutely necessary. I'll probably spoil at least one meal a day with junk food. I might even watch an "R" rated movie or two (sorry, mom). I'll keep you updated on how it's all going. Onward.
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     As some of you know, I plan on pursuing a job with CRU next year. If you didn't know that and want to know more, ask me. So I'm really excited for possibly going back to the Iowa State campus, with the intention of sharing the Gospel with people. I've seen God move the last semester, and I can only see His faith staying a constant, and therefore his hand doing greater things than I saw last semester. However, I believe every coin has two sides. If I'm with CRU full time next year, working upwards of 50 hours a week on campus, what's going to happen to my old job with Fareway? Well, I can tell you. I won't have it. If God's allowed me to be hired with CRU, the moment I get my first check, I'm out of Fareway like a bullet. I'm not here to say I don't love my job, but I just have so many things that I can't wait to do that Fareway won't let me.

     As I'm hopefully on my way out of Fareway, I think I'll share a little story. It may be my all-time favorite story from my time at Fareway, as it epitomizes not only the last 7 1/2 years I've spent in the grocery business, but speaks to a big part of my testimony as well. Here it goes.

     Last summer was not the greatest of times for me. A good chunk of my friends were getting married. I was invited to six weddings, and was in three. I didn't like that, because I was alone. And when you're alone and no one else is, then you're really alone. I had issues in my life academically, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally and I was a wreck really wherever you looked. My one real escape from it all was Fareway. I'd work 38 hours a week in the summer, and really just detach from life with whatever time I had left. However, a string of unfortunate events caused me to be consistently late at Fareway. On July 21, 2012, the day before my 7 year anniversary with Fareway, I was an hour and 20 minutes late for my shift. I walked in and my manager looked at me and said, "Do you have an excuse?"

     "No", I replied, "my alarm just didn't go off, and I overslept." I worked out the rest of my shift, and as I was leaving, my manager pulled me aside and has a heart to heart with me. He was concerned with my consistent tardiness (a trait that I was never known for) and asked if I was having any problems. There were two things that he asked about. He asked if I had been drinking a lot. I said no. He asked me if women were a problem in my life. I said no. He guided me up to the office and there on the desk sat the thing that I had so dreaded and lived in fear of the last 6 years and 364 days at Fareway. A pink slip. I had to sign a little slip that said I was being noted as struggling with being to work on time. As I was walking down those creaky wooden stairs, my manager looks and me and says

"I just want the old Jon back."

 

     I really was crushed. My entire identity that summer had been destroyed. The "old Jon"? Had I strayed so far from the model employee that I was? From the shining glimmer in the Fareway shield of quality that I would claim to be? Had I really changed? In my wreckage, I turned to God. I asked him over and over to make me a better employee. To bring back the old Jon and restore my manager's faith in me.

 

     I realized, right then and there, how wrong I had it.

 

     If I had gone back a year from that very date, do you know where I would've found myself? In a pit of alcohol abuse, self loathing, sexual immorality, and a hatred of the God whom I'd claimed faith in since I was four. My goal was to kill myself before the summer's end. But by God's divine Grace and providence, I somehow survived that summer. God took me out the filth I was basking in and had thrust me in to the plans he had for me. Plans for redemption. God brought me out of 2011 a much different man than I had been when it started, and somewhere in those 365 days, the old Jon was torn asunder by the depth and gravity of the Cross of Christ. And now, here I was, smack dab in the middle of 2012, worried about a pink slip? I was lucky to even be alive. If God hadn't redeemed me, people, I'd have been dead before 2012 was wrung in. And yet, I was allowing my identity to be defined by a little man behind a desk, and pink sheet of paper. He's since reminded me of just who I am, and that it's the world and all the enemies of Christ that would beckon me "Come on, I just want the old Jon back. Be him again."

   

     The old Jon is dead. Dead he will stay.

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     The reason I told you that story was not simply because I'm hopefully leaving Fareway soon. It's because today I've realized just how far I've come. See, when I say that I was going to kill myself, I meant it. I was literally saved by the hand of God, and with whatever life I have left, it doesn't belong to me, but to he who ransomed me. There's a lot to my story that I'm going to fill you in on in my next blog. A story that the old Jon never could've had. Stay tuned.

 

"3:20 AM", my computer says now. Grandpa needs his sleep. Goodnight, reader.

 

P.S. I love you. I'm not entirely sure if anyone had said that to you today or not, but you deserve it. You deserve it.



"The Old Christian Try"

It's been a long, long time since you've heard from me.

Dear reader, I'm sorry I haven't kept you up to date. I could say I've been busy, but I've just been a little bit lazy, I suppose.

Well, I'm back, for what it's worth. Here's some blog.
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     Fall is in full swing. Leaves are changed. Trees is gettin bare. Football is what people are in to. I've been wearing sweaters and flannels. Drinking more coffee. Cooking with the crock pot. Capping a night off with a pipe and a good book. All of the little things that make this time of the year the best for me. I know I've touched on this in one of my last blogs, but I can't overstate how much I love this season. It's the season of Jon.  More blog ahead.
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     I've now been in a leadership role with CRU for a semester. In that time, I've been blessed with a great group of guys, who, despite my incoherent babble about Jesus and my outlandish views about life, come every week with the desire to tell their friends and roommates about their faith. It's made me realize just what faith means. The cliche Bible verse that people will use is Hebrews 11:1,

"Now, faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see"

 

     This does tell us what faith means, right? Faith is all about us? And how we have to believe what we can't see and be sure that our hopes are going to happen? I'm here to say, incorrect.

 

That verse can only be true, because there is another faith. There's another who is faithful. That "other", is God. If God wasn't faithful, I wouldn't be either. It's God who's seen me at my worst, and knows that I have a "best". It's God's faith that allows me to see him in everything I do. That I can see his Spirit moving on campus and in the lives of my guys. That I can see him weaved into a Gangster Rap CD or a film about hatred, lust, deceit and murder. God's unchanging and unshatterable faith is the reason I am where I am. When I get down about my failings, about the lies I've told, the self-mutilation I've done to my soul, and the pain I've caused in the lives of those I love, it's HIS faith I remember. That I have an intimate relationship with the Creator. While some speculate on his existence, I get to bask in his supremacy. A Christian (or anyone else) can have all the faith they want. They can recite Hebrews 11:1 until they're blue in the face. It doesn't matter. Without the acknowledgment that it is God who has the pertinent faith, it's all for naught. That it's his faith in himself that holds this whole mess of a life together. That he desires to see good and hates sin, death, and pain. That's the faith we need to recognize. We need to recognize that we will always pale in comparison to him. That's how it must be. That's what I've been reminded of.

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     Iowa State University is done with me. And vice versa. I went to my last classes. I turned in my last projects. It's finished. The question that remains is "What's next?". Well. I'm going to attempt to intern with Campus Crusade next year. Which means I'll need support money. I'll be asking people to partner with me so that God may move swiftly through Iowa State, the state of Iowa, and the world. I'm not completeling Horticulture, but am in fact "settling" with a "lesser" degree that I might live more missionally. I believe God has called me out of going through more schooling so that I would be more proactive about the Gospel. While some may think this is foolish because I won't be able to earn as much money, I have faith that it is the best option for me. So long, school. You were a long, tumutuous journey. Through you, I've made my best friends. I've had my best memories. You've allowed me to expand my faith. You're a time that I can't forget.

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     If anyone's known me for more than a year, they probably know how I feel about Christian media. Christian music and movies, mostly. If you're reading this, and you don't know how I feel, then you're in for a treat. Surprise, everyone, I'm not a huge fan of it all. And it's not just because the quality of most Christian media outlets are bad. It's not just because the overall product is hard on my eyes, and ears. The main reason that I have disdain for Christian media is that I believe that God is somewhat displeased with it. The main reason I think God is displeased with Christian movies and music is that it often times paints a misconception. If the only way you ever heard about God was through Christian music and movies, what perception would you have? I believe wholeheartedly that you would see God as shallow. And this is why I think people view Christians in the same light. Because the movies we support and music we deem "inspired" are typically crap. There are hundreds of Christian songs that I find devoid of any reality. Many Christian artists write songs that reflect themselves more than the heart of the Most-High. And films are no better. Dozens of Christian films and television programs, whose only goal is to make the veiwer feel "warm and fuzzy". I don't believe for a moment that that's where God dwells. And while I could be cynical and just rag on my brothers and sisters for how they're expressing themselves, I think that I will instead address my interpretation of the heart of this matter.

 

     In America, I believe Christianity has developed an attitude of trying. We value trying. Trying to tell your friends about Jesus. Trying not to sin. Trying to earn enough money for your family to have a comfortable living. Trying to be seen as "different". I think we need to be done trying. I feel like "trying" is a good way to say "feel better about not doing". I think we've developed the try because we feel bad when we fail. We see failure as a bad thing, always. I don't. I think when I fail, it's only an opportunity for me to see God's grace move through the situation. And at the heart of it, I believe the Christian media is afraid to fail, because failure in this world means ridicule. We fear people will make fun of us, and our God if we produce a product that doesn't seem "right". The irony is that non-Christians see our product as crap anyway. There are very few Christian medias that honestly reach out to non-believers and again, ironically, they're the ones that typical Christians dislike (Christian Metalcore music, for one).  If our heart really was to produce music and movies that related to people where they were and to desire them to see the God of the universe, then I doubt we'd be making low production films about football teams who pull off a win in the end, or hollow music that goes more to showing off our talents than showing the inumerable blessings of our savior. If we can take the focus off of creating a Christian bubble, and instead spreading our views and values to the world through genuine, transparently love-filled media that also looks and sounds good, then maybe we'd begin to see the changes that the Church has expected for so long. Creating expressions of love that do more to push non-believers away may not be the aproach we should stick with. I'm done ranting. I'm still praying.

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Moving Pictures and the Things They Say: My first ever post about movies! Yeah! Well, since this is just the introductory to the section, I'm not going to go into much detail (also, this has been a windy blog and has wasted enough of your time, I'm sure). I saw Pulp Fiction in a theater last night. It's one of my all-time favorites. In the Top 3 for sure. People who haven't seen it often ask me

 

"What's it about?"

to which I can only really say

 

"Well, it's about several peoples' worst days of their lives,

and how redemption is found in a few of them."

 

     I'm not going to give any of the plot away. Go in fresh. The film is raw. There's a lot of swearing. A lot of lurid subject matter. Some disturbing imagery. But it's easily one of the best things I've ever seen. And whether you're a believer or not, redemption is found on so many levels. The storytelling is sublime and the cinematography shows the true heart of the film. I will give one warning, however. If you hate it the first time you watch it, watch it again. If you still hate it, then you'll never love it. It's just that way. Good luck.

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     I've blogged too much today. It's time for some studying. Thanks for reading. I love you. I'm sorry if I offended you at all. I wish I could be more attentive to you readers, and hopefully with the extra time I may have next semester, I'll be able to do just that. 



The Perfect Girl Pt. II, The Return of the Realist

Well hey.

It's late.

Super late, in my opinion. It felt late 3 hours ago when I went to bed, exhausted from my day. But that didn't stop me from waking up 2 hours later, and feeling wide awake. So I'm drinking some water. And eating an ice cream bar; screen door wide open to let the cool air in. Listening to the "ticky-tack" of the trains as they pass. Hoping to pass out on this couch sooner than later. Here's where I am, blog-wise.
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     My last blog was a huge success. In less than two weeks, it received more views than my oldest blogs have in 5 months. My guess is, that its title had a lot to do with it. "The Perfect Girl", was a hit. With mostly girls, I'm guessing? I'm by no means suggesting that these girls were interested, in fact I know most were not. But the title expressed something romantic, and I just go to assume that if the tie goes to the runner (baseball rule), then the romance goes to the women. And while several people praised me for the blog, calling it things like "brave" and "sweet", I've come to realize a few truths about it, and how it relates to me.

     I'm not here to say that the things I wrote about were untrue, or that they "weren't me". What I am going to do is explain myself a little better, without the "lovey-dovey" perspective I had before. If my feelings are to be genuine, then I have to let "The Realist" out. He's someone that is almost always at the forefront of my life. Anyone who has talked to me for any decent amount of time would should know that. He goes by a few other names, "The Cynic", "The Pessimist", and my favorite, "The Disillusioned Optimist". I'm turning him loose. Here ya go, buddy. It's all yours.
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     Thanks Jonny, old friend. Well everyone, let me first say that I really kind of hated that last blog. The whole "putting myself out there" thing really isn't my style. I prefer to just kind of be there. Exist and float around. So that last blog, what with its talk of pursuing girls, and marriage, and taking definitive steps to be a husband and a missionary, well, it just wasn't me. I've come to learn that the more people know about you, the more accountable to are to them. But ol' Jon, with his big heart and cockeyed optimism decided to throw that stuff up, and you probably read it. Jon doesn't always think things through the best, and what he was feeling just kind of overflowed into his blog. I'm usually there to get things back to normal, but I was out getting my dry-cleaning. Sorry everyone. Here's what I'm thinking you should add to what you've read about Jon's "perfect girl"...

     First off, Jon just might have made it seem like he was casting a pretty big net on the whole dating scene. He used a phrase that went something like "every daugher of God is beautiful in her own way", or something like that. And while even I believe that's true, I think there needs to be some clarification as to what he meant. Jon wasn't saying that he finds every Christian girl as a suitable partner. He doesn't find them all attractive. But what he does is see value in every Christian woman, as a daughter of the most-high God, which is a credit to God firstly, and then women. To break it to you as easy as I can, most girls just don't make Jon tick. And Christian girls are no exception. So as much as  I don't want this to be a "tell every girl that Jon's a total jerk and you should stay away from him", I want to give you a peek into what exactly it is that he values. Again, this isn't going to be easy for me. You're welcome.

     As of late, Jon's come to fall in love with brokenness. He's seen a fair share of it in his own life, and the life of his friends and family. While many of you are thinking "what the H could someone love about brokenness?", understand that Jon sees it as opportunity. Behind all brokenness is a chance for improvement. Heck, if Jon hadn't moved forward from his brokenness, he'd have put a bullet through his head a few years ago, and I wouldn't be here to entertain you as I am, though I digress. Jon has seen, in the last few months, that Christian women who've been broken at some point in their lives, and aren't ashamed nor try to hide it, are the most real and desireable women in the world. Because they've learned to rely fully on God. Jon believes that while things are going "well" that people are less inclined to seek God. It's through trial and pain that leads a person to the mercy seat of God's throne, that it's humility that casts one's burdens on Christ's sacrice, and it's anguish that allows the Spirit to heal. THAT'S where his heart is. THAT'S what he finds alluring. Women who have been through stuff, and can still stand and say "It is well with my soul", that's Jon right there, and that's not going away.

     I think we can all mostly agree, though I disagree more than most, that Jon is a funny guy. He seems to have a decent grasp on where humor comes from, he can do some impressions, and yeah, he's pushed the envelop a few times and has offended people when he wanted to (those days are, for the most part, over), but all-around, he's got a humorous wit. He values that in women. Girls who are witty and dry. Now this is, as Jon realizes, a nitpick, and it by no means necessary. But he likes it. I won't sugar coat that, as he might be inclined to do. Jon wants a girl he can make smile and laugh, and wants the same in return. Moving on.
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    You're ruining me. Realist, you're ruining me. I'll be single forever, because you're making me out to be some weirdo. I might as well start buying cats.
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    That's where you've got it wrong, buddy. I'm helping you. Helping, as I would be inclined to say, clear some of the riff raff. Jon, the last thing you need are more Christian friends that are girls. You've got enough. Moving from the friendzone is difficult, and it's just easier if that doesn't happen to you. Lookin' out for ya, big guy. Hold it together. I'm just going to include a list of likes and dislikes for the rest. Hope it helps.

Likes: dark humor, rap music, sweaters, Fyodor Dostoevsky, the New York Jets, Kanye West, making crock pot food, hookah, Queen, Wendy's, melancholy music, Oklahoma City Thunder, pipe smoking, Jesus, Ray-Bans, coffee.

Dislikes: Max Lucado, most country music, The New York Giants, soup, super happy upbeat music, The Miami Heat, judgmental Christians, and most of all, MAYONNAISE.

     I'm going to leave with that. That's part of the real Jon that you need to know, whether prospective or not. That's Jon. Okay, I think I've done enough damage. Back to you, old bean.
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     ...Ugh.

     Sorry about him. He can be a real jerk. Well. I hope there are still people out there reading. And willing to be my friend. And I hope that cleared some stuff up. I feel better now. Whew. Sometimes letting that old jerk out is what's best.
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     I heard that.
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    Sorry. I love you, man. You make me, me. Well everyone, it's 3:32 in the morning. It's time for sleep. Thanks for hanging in there with me people.