The Perfect Girl Pt. II, The Return of the Realist

Well hey.

It's late.

Super late, in my opinion. It felt late 3 hours ago when I went to bed, exhausted from my day. But that didn't stop me from waking up 2 hours later, and feeling wide awake. So I'm drinking some water. And eating an ice cream bar; screen door wide open to let the cool air in. Listening to the "ticky-tack" of the trains as they pass. Hoping to pass out on this couch sooner than later. Here's where I am, blog-wise.
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     My last blog was a huge success. In less than two weeks, it received more views than my oldest blogs have in 5 months. My guess is, that its title had a lot to do with it. "The Perfect Girl", was a hit. With mostly girls, I'm guessing? I'm by no means suggesting that these girls were interested, in fact I know most were not. But the title expressed something romantic, and I just go to assume that if the tie goes to the runner (baseball rule), then the romance goes to the women. And while several people praised me for the blog, calling it things like "brave" and "sweet", I've come to realize a few truths about it, and how it relates to me.

     I'm not here to say that the things I wrote about were untrue, or that they "weren't me". What I am going to do is explain myself a little better, without the "lovey-dovey" perspective I had before. If my feelings are to be genuine, then I have to let "The Realist" out. He's someone that is almost always at the forefront of my life. Anyone who has talked to me for any decent amount of time would should know that. He goes by a few other names, "The Cynic", "The Pessimist", and my favorite, "The Disillusioned Optimist". I'm turning him loose. Here ya go, buddy. It's all yours.
--
     Thanks Jonny, old friend. Well everyone, let me first say that I really kind of hated that last blog. The whole "putting myself out there" thing really isn't my style. I prefer to just kind of be there. Exist and float around. So that last blog, what with its talk of pursuing girls, and marriage, and taking definitive steps to be a husband and a missionary, well, it just wasn't me. I've come to learn that the more people know about you, the more accountable to are to them. But ol' Jon, with his big heart and cockeyed optimism decided to throw that stuff up, and you probably read it. Jon doesn't always think things through the best, and what he was feeling just kind of overflowed into his blog. I'm usually there to get things back to normal, but I was out getting my dry-cleaning. Sorry everyone. Here's what I'm thinking you should add to what you've read about Jon's "perfect girl"...

     First off, Jon just might have made it seem like he was casting a pretty big net on the whole dating scene. He used a phrase that went something like "every daugher of God is beautiful in her own way", or something like that. And while even I believe that's true, I think there needs to be some clarification as to what he meant. Jon wasn't saying that he finds every Christian girl as a suitable partner. He doesn't find them all attractive. But what he does is see value in every Christian woman, as a daughter of the most-high God, which is a credit to God firstly, and then women. To break it to you as easy as I can, most girls just don't make Jon tick. And Christian girls are no exception. So as much as  I don't want this to be a "tell every girl that Jon's a total jerk and you should stay away from him", I want to give you a peek into what exactly it is that he values. Again, this isn't going to be easy for me. You're welcome.

     As of late, Jon's come to fall in love with brokenness. He's seen a fair share of it in his own life, and the life of his friends and family. While many of you are thinking "what the H could someone love about brokenness?", understand that Jon sees it as opportunity. Behind all brokenness is a chance for improvement. Heck, if Jon hadn't moved forward from his brokenness, he'd have put a bullet through his head a few years ago, and I wouldn't be here to entertain you as I am, though I digress. Jon has seen, in the last few months, that Christian women who've been broken at some point in their lives, and aren't ashamed nor try to hide it, are the most real and desireable women in the world. Because they've learned to rely fully on God. Jon believes that while things are going "well" that people are less inclined to seek God. It's through trial and pain that leads a person to the mercy seat of God's throne, that it's humility that casts one's burdens on Christ's sacrice, and it's anguish that allows the Spirit to heal. THAT'S where his heart is. THAT'S what he finds alluring. Women who have been through stuff, and can still stand and say "It is well with my soul", that's Jon right there, and that's not going away.

     I think we can all mostly agree, though I disagree more than most, that Jon is a funny guy. He seems to have a decent grasp on where humor comes from, he can do some impressions, and yeah, he's pushed the envelop a few times and has offended people when he wanted to (those days are, for the most part, over), but all-around, he's got a humorous wit. He values that in women. Girls who are witty and dry. Now this is, as Jon realizes, a nitpick, and it by no means necessary. But he likes it. I won't sugar coat that, as he might be inclined to do. Jon wants a girl he can make smile and laugh, and wants the same in return. Moving on.
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    You're ruining me. Realist, you're ruining me. I'll be single forever, because you're making me out to be some weirdo. I might as well start buying cats.
--
    That's where you've got it wrong, buddy. I'm helping you. Helping, as I would be inclined to say, clear some of the riff raff. Jon, the last thing you need are more Christian friends that are girls. You've got enough. Moving from the friendzone is difficult, and it's just easier if that doesn't happen to you. Lookin' out for ya, big guy. Hold it together. I'm just going to include a list of likes and dislikes for the rest. Hope it helps.

Likes: dark humor, rap music, sweaters, Fyodor Dostoevsky, the New York Jets, Kanye West, making crock pot food, hookah, Queen, Wendy's, melancholy music, Oklahoma City Thunder, pipe smoking, Jesus, Ray-Bans, coffee.

Dislikes: Max Lucado, most country music, The New York Giants, soup, super happy upbeat music, The Miami Heat, judgmental Christians, and most of all, MAYONNAISE.

     I'm going to leave with that. That's part of the real Jon that you need to know, whether prospective or not. That's Jon. Okay, I think I've done enough damage. Back to you, old bean.
--
     ...Ugh.

     Sorry about him. He can be a real jerk. Well. I hope there are still people out there reading. And willing to be my friend. And I hope that cleared some stuff up. I feel better now. Whew. Sometimes letting that old jerk out is what's best.
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     I heard that.
--
    Sorry. I love you, man. You make me, me. Well everyone, it's 3:32 in the morning. It's time for sleep. Thanks for hanging in there with me people.

The Perfect Girl

Friends and better friends,

     This blog probably isn't going to have the cheeky feel it usually does, simply because, I don't want it to. There are going to be a lot of feelings in this one, cheery and otherwise. Here's my heart.
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     I'm 24. Which is kind of old. I remember Desert Storm (a few of you may need to Wikipedia what that is). I was in seventh grade when the September 11th terrorist attacks happened. I voted in 2008. I'm less than a year from being out of the first Selective Service class. I graduated in high school '06.

 

For all intents and purposes, I'm old.

 

     I noticed that I never felt old when I was 21. Or 22 for that matter. So what's changed in the last two years that's made me feel so ancient and out of touch with the "youngins"? The answer is pretty simple. I'm stuck. Because of the decisions I've made in the last six years, I've set myself somewhere between my graduating class and the high school class of 2010. A good chunk of my "peers", these days are people who have never voted for a president. People who can barely remember the '90s and ALWAYS find it strange that I'm a man who's near his mid-20's.

 

Which makes me feel old.

 

     However, I've come to realize why I wouldn't have felt this old two years ago. Back then, I was with a girl. I was with a girl whom I was convinced that I was marrying. Well, we're not together, and haven't been for over two years. Since then, I've felt older every day. Not that it has anything to do with my feelings towards her, in fact I think it's awesome that we're not dating, because we were not good for each other. But realistically, I wasted three and a half years being someone I wasn't and pursuing someone I didn't really want. And I'm reminded of that often. So I feel like a man who's only 21. But the reality of 24 never leaves. I'm rambling. I'm sorry.

--

     Recently I've made a decision. A decision that I feel I've made a few times before. The difference between making it now and making it back then is that I once made it before out of lonliness, pain, and escape. I didn't see much worth in me, and now I do. So I'm making this decision now, in light of the man I amd and slowly becoming. And it pains me to declare this. But, ladies (mostly) and gentlemen, I'm going to start dating again.

 

     You might be asking yourself "what the heck does that even mean?" or "why is he telling us that?" or "what's that guy's phone number? Because I wouldn't mind gettin to know him." Well, I have an answer for all of those. Firstly, it means that I'm pursuing women again in a relational way. I havent done that in a while. If you're a girl that's talked to me in the last 6 months, then I probably had little to no interest in you or if I did I simply denied it. I decided for a while that "women = pain". That's far from true, as long as I have a little wisdom. So I'm now looking. But as you could guess, I'm not just looking for any person to be with (as no one else really is either), I'm looking for the perfect girl (the title makes sense now, eh?).

 

"Um. Jon?"

Yeah?

"...well what does that mean!?!?"

"The perfect girl?"

Well, yeah.

Perfect.

She's gotta be.

"No woman is perfect!"

Mine will be.

 

The girl I marry will be perfect. For me. I have absolutely no doubt about that. Which means she'll likely be the person who hurts and infuriates me more than anyone ever has. She'll bug me more than anyone and she'll be the person that I'll have to work to love the most.

 

And she'll be worth it.

 

The woman that I marry (if I ever do get married) will be my biggest Earthly priority. I will love God above all others, and then my wife second.

 

"Jon, what the heck do you mean by perfect?

You need to explain."

Gladly.

 

The perfect woman, to me, is someone who loves God first. I mean that. If I'm first, I'm not anything. So she has to be pursuing what God has for her, but here's the deal, I have an idea about what I'm going to be doing for a while, and if she's not okay with that, then it's not going to work. I'm going to be absolutely unwaivering in seeking out the plans I beleive God has for me. For right now that probably means being in a different country doing mission work for a while. It could be a few years, or maybe 20. It really just depends. If you're a girl and reading this and were with me up until this point but TWENTY YEARS in a different country turns you off, then that's awesome. I have no doubt God has beautiful plans for you. However, if missions excite you, or you're at least okay with going, then I hope we could talk about that someday.

 

So. There ya go.

 

     The perfect girl just has to love God, and be okay with going somewhere. That's it. That's as picky as I'm really going to be. However, I still believe that God created chemistry for a reason. There does need to be an attraction, but not in such a way that we feel shallow. There are MANY men and women who initially were not attracted to the person they married, and it worked in the best way. I find every daughter of the Most-High God beautiful, in her own way. It really just comes down to how complementary I am to her, and vice versa.

 

     I'll make one more point, and then move on. As I am old, and getting older every day, I feel that it would be best if I found this girl soon. I want to take a page from my friend Michael Patterson (who set a goal like this last year), and say that my goal is to have met and tried pursuing this girl within six months of right now. Ugh. Heavy goals. Movement.

--

"...you vaguely described your perfect woman, 

and have a goal to meet her? What does that entail?"

 

Hey, thanks for asking that.  Well, while I'm not going to devote lots of time to finding her, what I am going to do is try to get to know some of the wonderful ladies in my life. So I may ask a few out for coffee or something. And if I find one that I think is worth pursuing, I definitely will. We'll see where it goes from there.

"...okay then."

Is everything okay?

"yeah, I'm fine, I guess I just don't get why

you decided to tell us all this.."

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The why. Well, I guess there's

no real good reason for putting all this out there, except I

think some people might want to know that I'm taking steps

to put myself out there again. I don't know.

Maybe I shouldn't have told you?

Hmm. No I'm glad. Who knows what could happen from this, right?

 

"you're a confusing man, Jon Dziurawiec"

Sorry.

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     Well, to everyone, I'm sorry this blog exists. It's scattered. It's a bit awkward. It's not fun. But it's real. And it's here.

 

I'm going to say "goodbye" now, before anyone else gets turned off to my blog entirely.

 

Goodbye.

 

P.S. to my perfect girl, if you're real, I'll be seein ya around ;)

 

 

See ya, everyone.

 

 

...

...

...

"...Goodbye, Jon?"

Oh, I'm sorry, I almost forgot to comment on the third question.

If you want my digits, let me know, I'll get them to you.

Goodbye made up voice that comments on my blog.

I hope I hear from you again sometime.

"Whatever, weirdo. Bye."

     

I Asked for Sweaters.

Yello! Yellooooo.

Yep.

Well enough of that. How are you today? Since you really can't answer me, I'll just assume you're well.
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     Fall finally feels like it's here. That's going to be a primary motif today. Here's how I Fall in love.
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I woke up to some BEAUTIFUL rain this a.m. Cold rain. Hard rain. It was lovely. The best early wake up I've had in five years. Errghh.

     I was able to wear jeans today. What a joy. And an Eddie Bauer button up thingy. It was all wonderful. Fall is my favorite time. It's the retirement period of the life of a year. It's when you're able to reflect on what happened and find freedom in the weather. There are a lot of great things about Autumn, but you know what I'd have to say my favorite part is?

Sweaters and flannels.

I love sweaters.

All of my real friends would know that.

Heck, thinking back, I realized that last year I asked my parents for like four or five sweaters for Christmas.

FOUR of FIVE SWEATERS for CHRISTMAS.

 

     Just think about that for a moment. Do you understand what's happened? Because I do, and it's slightly depressing.

I'm old for being 24. I'm really old.

 

I'm 2/7 on my way to death (estimated) and I'm already asking for sweaters. I'm not sure which direction I can really go from here. Maybe some Aqua Velva and a fedora. A cane. Bright blue denims from a farm supply store and some white shoes? Someone please help me, before it's too late. But until then, I'll be showing off my lovely sweater collection via blog. I'm sure each and every one of you will be just as ecstatic as I am for all sweaters you'll see. I'm happy for you. 

--

     Fall ushers in football season. Two years ago, I could not have cared less. Football was nothing to me. Heck, as of October 2010, the last football game I'd been to was my high school making it to the state championship in 2008. And I wasn't in high school then. I'd never been to a Cyclones game, and I had no intention of liking the NFL. And then something changed.

 

     I went to my first Cyclones game in November of 2010. If there are any Big 12 fans out there, you'll either fondly or begrudgingly remember this game. We played the Huskers. We almost won. An uncompleted pass in the endzone lost us a game that we could've tied up with a PAT. But we went for a two-point conversion. The Cyclones may have lost, but I didn't. Going to the game, and being in the atmosphere really ignited a love for football. So I decided to start watching some NFL for diversity's sake (I wasn't going to pick another college team, the Cyclones were my everything). I stumbled across a team that I started to like a lot, for no particular reason, and I haven't stopped apologizing since.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a New York Jets fan.

 

     I'm not sure what it was at first that attracted me to the Jets. I think it's like falling in love. Sometimes you just know. The best bet I can come up with at this point is that I wanted to find a team, they had exposure at the time, they were doing OK, AND they had knocked the Patriots out of the playoffs (my sister's a Patriots fan, so there was some desire to make her mad, sorry sis). Whatever the reason was, I got drawn in. So I want to apologize to many of you who think that I'll be free on Sundays starting now. I won't. With the added Fantasy League I'm in this year, there will be very little but football on the weekends for me this year. It is what it is.

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MAJOR BLOG ANNOUNCEMENT

 

The last few weeks have left me with a bit of a tug on my heart. I came to the realization that I don't know enough about films. Sure, I've seen my fair share. But I haven't really watched a lot of film.

With that in mind, I have this to say.

You ready?

I'm adding a film section to the blog.

BOOM!

HUGE NEWS!

KAZAANG!

IMPORTANT!

...

 

 

...Sorry

I was too excited for that.

The new section is called Moving Pictures & the Things They Say. I'll be showcasing different movies from different genres, incuding my all time favorites. Probably starting with some films from my all time favorite director, Mr. Stanley Kubrik.

 



 

  I hope you find it enjoyable.

--

 

     Hey now, I think that's about enough blog for you, reader. Get back to your life. Lord knows I need to get back to mine. Thanks for being with me. 







Breakfast Thoughts

Good mafternoon everyone (morning + afternoon, I didn't wake up until eleven)

     It's labor day. Which, for a long time I though was just an extension of mother's day.

"Oh, not only are you mothers, but that means that that you had to go through labor too, so here's a day off for EVERYONE!"

 

 

...Those were my thoughts. I was dumb.

 

     But with the well deserved day off from all the hard work I do, I thought I'd do what I could to bless your day, via blogpost. Lesdoit.

--

     I started off my day unusually. Which means I ate a decent breakfast. I purchased my first French press a few days ago, and have absolutely been loving it. It makes some of the best coffee I've had at home, and if I had a milk frother and some flavor syrups, I'd be dang close to having my own coffee shop. But I digress. Here's what I'm eating. It's not super impressive looking, though that's partially due to my photography skills.

 

So I'm sitting here, enjoying my mountain of bacon and strong, dark coffee. Thoughts abound. Here are a few.

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    Hipsterisms continued: A Commentary on Hipster-Jon

          In the last few days, I've begun to notice a pattern in my life, that again is moving towards what some may consider "hipster". Not only do I now drink coffee from a French press (it takes longer, is more labor intensive, and is seen as elitist by some AKA hipsterish), but I'm now planning on biking everywhere I can (not every bike rider is a hipster, but every hipster rides a bike), and I just purchased a pretty expensive Timbuk2 messenger bag for my bike trips. Here's a pic of my new baby. 

   Now so far this is the best bag I've ever owned, by far. It's comfortable, super convenient, and has a polyurethane liner so it's waterproof. But the culture around these bags is VERY hipster. They're made in San Francisco, and came with recylcing instructions for all of it's packaging, even a plastic map of San Francisco that's given to all customers, with the intent that if you don't use the map, that it makes a great bike seat cover and that it otherwise should be recycled.

 

     So yeah, that's the culture I'm beginning to get into. Inadvertent Hipster-Jon is being born.

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     Through It All: Folks, it's been a while since I've posted in this section. There's a lot to say to catch up on, but my main focus is this: there's an indirect variation between physical strength, and the spiritual.

    

     The last two, going on three weeks have been exhausting. Attending (almost) 16 hours of class a week, working 20+ hours and spending 15-20 hours a week on campus working with CRU (I'll dedicate a chunk of a blog to describing what I do with them) and then doing homework and trying to have friends, well I've really had no life at all. I come home drained, usually after 16+ hour days, to a lot more going on.

    

     Recently, God's thrown me into a position of counseling. Several of my friends have been going through some tough things, and I've been able to be there for them. I've realized that all the stuff I've been through has made me a pretty understanding guy, and really someone who's not able to be all that surprised at what I hear. It took me up until now to realized that THAT'S what God had for me all this time. That not only would I come back to him and find peace, but that my experiences and mistakes would be used to help my friends. Along with the campus ministry that I've been doing, I've never felt more spiritually rewarded than now. God's bringing me up to a level I never thought I'd be, and it's tought me a lesson that I'd like to encourage you with.

 

     Don't settle on where you are with God.

 

For almost two decades I was content with where I was, only to come through some trials and realize that I wasn't where I thought I was. I was much further away. I never realized what it meant to be sustained and to literally feel the presence of the most-high God. But it took a lot for me to get there. More than I'd wish on anyone. And maybe you're one of those people who know who you're supposed to be with God, but your running. Let me tell you a little story.

 

     There's an 18 year old freshmen kid named Colton in my Bible study. At first glance he is just one of the happiest, most understanding, and most welcoming people I've met. I've only ever seen him with a smile on his face and a cheerful word. This week at Bible study I asked the students if there was a time when they weren't living up to who they should be. Colton responded, with a smile on his face. I paraphrase.

 

"Well, my parents got a divorce a few months ago. That was hard for me. Two months ago, my dad died. That's when I started drinking. I partied because I didn't want to feel the pain that I had going on in my life. A friend of mine drug me to a weekend Bible conference and the Spirit got to me. He reminded me, no wait he told me for the FIRST TIME who I really was. So I guess I'd say that no matter how much you want to run, that if He wants you, God will catch you..."

 

     I was absolutely stunned.

 

 

This guy has been through more pain than I may ever go through. And it was fresh pain. And he smiled the whole way through it. And ended with, God will catch you. That took me 23 years to figure out. All I can say is that God definitely has a plan for that kid, and he has one for you.

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    The rain today makes me want to do nothing but sit on my balcony and puff my pipe. These are the days I long for. Days that are so blatantly romantic that you don't even have to really look for things to be in love with them for. Mmmm...

--

    Well, this blog went a little long. Sorry if it was winded at points. It's definitely not breakfast anymore. I'm heading to a gathering of some friends in a bit for hookah and friend time. And my computer battery is dying now. Well, it's off to the showers for me. Until next time friends. Do what you do and know I love you.