This blog probably isn't going to have the cheeky feel it usually does, simply because, I don't want it to. There are going to be a lot of feelings in this one, cheery and otherwise. Here's my heart.
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I'm 24. Which is kind of old. I remember Desert Storm (a few of you may need to Wikipedia what that is). I was in seventh grade when the September 11th terrorist attacks happened. I voted in 2008. I'm less than a year from being out of the first Selective Service class. I graduated in high school '06.
For all intents and purposes, I'm old.
I noticed that I never felt old when I was 21. Or 22 for that matter. So what's changed in the last two years that's made me feel so ancient and out of touch with the "youngins"? The answer is pretty simple. I'm stuck. Because of the decisions I've made in the last six years, I've set myself somewhere between my graduating class and the high school class of 2010. A good chunk of my "peers", these days are people who have never voted for a president. People who can barely remember the '90s and ALWAYS find it strange that I'm a man who's near his mid-20's.
Which makes me feel old.
However, I've come to realize why I wouldn't have felt this old two years ago. Back then, I was with a girl. I was with a girl whom I was convinced that I was marrying. Well, we're not together, and haven't been for over two years. Since then, I've felt older every day. Not that it has anything to do with my feelings towards her, in fact I think it's awesome that we're not dating, because we were not good for each other. But realistically, I wasted three and a half years being someone I wasn't and pursuing someone I didn't really want. And I'm reminded of that often. So I feel like a man who's only 21. But the reality of 24 never leaves. I'm rambling. I'm sorry.
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Recently I've made a decision. A decision that I feel I've made a few times before. The difference between making it now and making it back then is that I once made it before out of lonliness, pain, and escape. I didn't see much worth in me, and now I do. So I'm making this decision now, in light of the man I amd and slowly becoming. And it pains me to declare this. But, ladies (mostly) and gentlemen, I'm going to start dating again.
You might be asking yourself "what the heck does that even mean?" or "why is he telling us that?" or "what's that guy's phone number? Because I wouldn't mind gettin to know him." Well, I have an answer for all of those. Firstly, it means that I'm pursuing women again in a relational way. I havent done that in a while. If you're a girl that's talked to me in the last 6 months, then I probably had little to no interest in you or if I did I simply denied it. I decided for a while that "women = pain". That's far from true, as long as I have a little wisdom. So I'm now looking. But as you could guess, I'm not just looking for any person to be with (as no one else really is either), I'm looking for the perfect girl (the title makes sense now, eh?).
"Um. Jon?"
Yeah?
"...well what does that mean!?!?"
"The perfect girl?"
Well, yeah.
Perfect.
She's gotta be.
"No woman is perfect!"
Mine will be.
The girl I marry will be perfect. For me. I have absolutely no doubt about that. Which means she'll likely be the person who hurts and infuriates me more than anyone ever has. She'll bug me more than anyone and she'll be the person that I'll have to work to love the most.
And she'll be worth it.
The woman that I marry (if I ever do get married) will be my biggest Earthly priority. I will love God above all others, and then my wife second.
"Jon, what the heck do you mean by perfect?
You need to explain."
Gladly.
The perfect woman, to me, is someone who loves God first. I mean that. If I'm first, I'm not anything. So she has to be pursuing what God has for her, but here's the deal, I have an idea about what I'm going to be doing for a while, and if she's not okay with that, then it's not going to work. I'm going to be absolutely unwaivering in seeking out the plans I beleive God has for me. For right now that probably means being in a different country doing mission work for a while. It could be a few years, or maybe 20. It really just depends. If you're a girl and reading this and were with me up until this point but TWENTY YEARS in a different country turns you off, then that's awesome. I have no doubt God has beautiful plans for you. However, if missions excite you, or you're at least okay with going, then I hope we could talk about that someday.
So. There ya go.
The perfect girl just has to love God, and be okay with going somewhere. That's it. That's as picky as I'm really going to be. However, I still believe that God created chemistry for a reason. There does need to be an attraction, but not in such a way that we feel shallow. There are MANY men and women who initially were not attracted to the person they married, and it worked in the best way. I find every daughter of the Most-High God beautiful, in her own way. It really just comes down to how complementary I am to her, and vice versa.
I'll make one more point, and then move on. As I am old, and getting older every day, I feel that it would be best if I found this girl soon. I want to take a page from my friend Michael Patterson (who set a goal like this last year), and say that my goal is to have met and tried pursuing this girl within six months of right now. Ugh. Heavy goals. Movement.
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"...you vaguely described your perfect woman,
and have a goal to meet her? What does that entail?"
Hey, thanks for asking that. Well, while I'm not going to devote lots of time to finding her, what I am going to do is try to get to know some of the wonderful ladies in my life. So I may ask a few out for coffee or something. And if I find one that I think is worth pursuing, I definitely will. We'll see where it goes from there.
"...okay then."
Is everything okay?
"yeah, I'm fine, I guess I just don't get why
you decided to tell us all this.."
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The why. Well, I guess there's
no real good reason for putting all this out there, except I
think some people might want to know that I'm taking steps
to put myself out there again. I don't know.
Maybe I shouldn't have told you?
Hmm. No I'm glad. Who knows what could happen from this, right?
"you're a confusing man, Jon Dziurawiec"
Sorry.
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Well, to everyone, I'm sorry this blog exists. It's scattered. It's a bit awkward. It's not fun. But it's real. And it's here.
I'm going to say "goodbye" now, before anyone else gets turned off to my blog entirely.
Goodbye.
P.S. to my perfect girl, if you're real, I'll be seein ya around ;)
See ya, everyone.
...
...
...
"...Goodbye, Jon?"
Oh, I'm sorry, I almost forgot to comment on the third question.
If you want my digits, let me know, I'll get them to you.
Goodbye made up voice that comments on my blog.
I hope I hear from you again sometime.
"Whatever, weirdo. Bye."
I like it,,,,,more than the words, I love your heart and can't wait to see what God will do next:)
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