"The Old Christian Try"

It's been a long, long time since you've heard from me.

Dear reader, I'm sorry I haven't kept you up to date. I could say I've been busy, but I've just been a little bit lazy, I suppose.

Well, I'm back, for what it's worth. Here's some blog.
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     Fall is in full swing. Leaves are changed. Trees is gettin bare. Football is what people are in to. I've been wearing sweaters and flannels. Drinking more coffee. Cooking with the crock pot. Capping a night off with a pipe and a good book. All of the little things that make this time of the year the best for me. I know I've touched on this in one of my last blogs, but I can't overstate how much I love this season. It's the season of Jon.  More blog ahead.
--
     I've now been in a leadership role with CRU for a semester. In that time, I've been blessed with a great group of guys, who, despite my incoherent babble about Jesus and my outlandish views about life, come every week with the desire to tell their friends and roommates about their faith. It's made me realize just what faith means. The cliche Bible verse that people will use is Hebrews 11:1,

"Now, faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see"

 

     This does tell us what faith means, right? Faith is all about us? And how we have to believe what we can't see and be sure that our hopes are going to happen? I'm here to say, incorrect.

 

That verse can only be true, because there is another faith. There's another who is faithful. That "other", is God. If God wasn't faithful, I wouldn't be either. It's God who's seen me at my worst, and knows that I have a "best". It's God's faith that allows me to see him in everything I do. That I can see his Spirit moving on campus and in the lives of my guys. That I can see him weaved into a Gangster Rap CD or a film about hatred, lust, deceit and murder. God's unchanging and unshatterable faith is the reason I am where I am. When I get down about my failings, about the lies I've told, the self-mutilation I've done to my soul, and the pain I've caused in the lives of those I love, it's HIS faith I remember. That I have an intimate relationship with the Creator. While some speculate on his existence, I get to bask in his supremacy. A Christian (or anyone else) can have all the faith they want. They can recite Hebrews 11:1 until they're blue in the face. It doesn't matter. Without the acknowledgment that it is God who has the pertinent faith, it's all for naught. That it's his faith in himself that holds this whole mess of a life together. That he desires to see good and hates sin, death, and pain. That's the faith we need to recognize. We need to recognize that we will always pale in comparison to him. That's how it must be. That's what I've been reminded of.

--

     Iowa State University is done with me. And vice versa. I went to my last classes. I turned in my last projects. It's finished. The question that remains is "What's next?". Well. I'm going to attempt to intern with Campus Crusade next year. Which means I'll need support money. I'll be asking people to partner with me so that God may move swiftly through Iowa State, the state of Iowa, and the world. I'm not completeling Horticulture, but am in fact "settling" with a "lesser" degree that I might live more missionally. I believe God has called me out of going through more schooling so that I would be more proactive about the Gospel. While some may think this is foolish because I won't be able to earn as much money, I have faith that it is the best option for me. So long, school. You were a long, tumutuous journey. Through you, I've made my best friends. I've had my best memories. You've allowed me to expand my faith. You're a time that I can't forget.

--

     If anyone's known me for more than a year, they probably know how I feel about Christian media. Christian music and movies, mostly. If you're reading this, and you don't know how I feel, then you're in for a treat. Surprise, everyone, I'm not a huge fan of it all. And it's not just because the quality of most Christian media outlets are bad. It's not just because the overall product is hard on my eyes, and ears. The main reason that I have disdain for Christian media is that I believe that God is somewhat displeased with it. The main reason I think God is displeased with Christian movies and music is that it often times paints a misconception. If the only way you ever heard about God was through Christian music and movies, what perception would you have? I believe wholeheartedly that you would see God as shallow. And this is why I think people view Christians in the same light. Because the movies we support and music we deem "inspired" are typically crap. There are hundreds of Christian songs that I find devoid of any reality. Many Christian artists write songs that reflect themselves more than the heart of the Most-High. And films are no better. Dozens of Christian films and television programs, whose only goal is to make the veiwer feel "warm and fuzzy". I don't believe for a moment that that's where God dwells. And while I could be cynical and just rag on my brothers and sisters for how they're expressing themselves, I think that I will instead address my interpretation of the heart of this matter.

 

     In America, I believe Christianity has developed an attitude of trying. We value trying. Trying to tell your friends about Jesus. Trying not to sin. Trying to earn enough money for your family to have a comfortable living. Trying to be seen as "different". I think we need to be done trying. I feel like "trying" is a good way to say "feel better about not doing". I think we've developed the try because we feel bad when we fail. We see failure as a bad thing, always. I don't. I think when I fail, it's only an opportunity for me to see God's grace move through the situation. And at the heart of it, I believe the Christian media is afraid to fail, because failure in this world means ridicule. We fear people will make fun of us, and our God if we produce a product that doesn't seem "right". The irony is that non-Christians see our product as crap anyway. There are very few Christian medias that honestly reach out to non-believers and again, ironically, they're the ones that typical Christians dislike (Christian Metalcore music, for one).  If our heart really was to produce music and movies that related to people where they were and to desire them to see the God of the universe, then I doubt we'd be making low production films about football teams who pull off a win in the end, or hollow music that goes more to showing off our talents than showing the inumerable blessings of our savior. If we can take the focus off of creating a Christian bubble, and instead spreading our views and values to the world through genuine, transparently love-filled media that also looks and sounds good, then maybe we'd begin to see the changes that the Church has expected for so long. Creating expressions of love that do more to push non-believers away may not be the aproach we should stick with. I'm done ranting. I'm still praying.

--

 

Moving Pictures and the Things They Say: My first ever post about movies! Yeah! Well, since this is just the introductory to the section, I'm not going to go into much detail (also, this has been a windy blog and has wasted enough of your time, I'm sure). I saw Pulp Fiction in a theater last night. It's one of my all-time favorites. In the Top 3 for sure. People who haven't seen it often ask me

 

"What's it about?"

to which I can only really say

 

"Well, it's about several peoples' worst days of their lives,

and how redemption is found in a few of them."

 

     I'm not going to give any of the plot away. Go in fresh. The film is raw. There's a lot of swearing. A lot of lurid subject matter. Some disturbing imagery. But it's easily one of the best things I've ever seen. And whether you're a believer or not, redemption is found on so many levels. The storytelling is sublime and the cinematography shows the true heart of the film. I will give one warning, however. If you hate it the first time you watch it, watch it again. If you still hate it, then you'll never love it. It's just that way. Good luck.

--

 

     I've blogged too much today. It's time for some studying. Thanks for reading. I love you. I'm sorry if I offended you at all. I wish I could be more attentive to you readers, and hopefully with the extra time I may have next semester, I'll be able to do just that. 



The Perfect Girl Pt. II, The Return of the Realist

Well hey.

It's late.

Super late, in my opinion. It felt late 3 hours ago when I went to bed, exhausted from my day. But that didn't stop me from waking up 2 hours later, and feeling wide awake. So I'm drinking some water. And eating an ice cream bar; screen door wide open to let the cool air in. Listening to the "ticky-tack" of the trains as they pass. Hoping to pass out on this couch sooner than later. Here's where I am, blog-wise.
--
     My last blog was a huge success. In less than two weeks, it received more views than my oldest blogs have in 5 months. My guess is, that its title had a lot to do with it. "The Perfect Girl", was a hit. With mostly girls, I'm guessing? I'm by no means suggesting that these girls were interested, in fact I know most were not. But the title expressed something romantic, and I just go to assume that if the tie goes to the runner (baseball rule), then the romance goes to the women. And while several people praised me for the blog, calling it things like "brave" and "sweet", I've come to realize a few truths about it, and how it relates to me.

     I'm not here to say that the things I wrote about were untrue, or that they "weren't me". What I am going to do is explain myself a little better, without the "lovey-dovey" perspective I had before. If my feelings are to be genuine, then I have to let "The Realist" out. He's someone that is almost always at the forefront of my life. Anyone who has talked to me for any decent amount of time would should know that. He goes by a few other names, "The Cynic", "The Pessimist", and my favorite, "The Disillusioned Optimist". I'm turning him loose. Here ya go, buddy. It's all yours.
--
     Thanks Jonny, old friend. Well everyone, let me first say that I really kind of hated that last blog. The whole "putting myself out there" thing really isn't my style. I prefer to just kind of be there. Exist and float around. So that last blog, what with its talk of pursuing girls, and marriage, and taking definitive steps to be a husband and a missionary, well, it just wasn't me. I've come to learn that the more people know about you, the more accountable to are to them. But ol' Jon, with his big heart and cockeyed optimism decided to throw that stuff up, and you probably read it. Jon doesn't always think things through the best, and what he was feeling just kind of overflowed into his blog. I'm usually there to get things back to normal, but I was out getting my dry-cleaning. Sorry everyone. Here's what I'm thinking you should add to what you've read about Jon's "perfect girl"...

     First off, Jon just might have made it seem like he was casting a pretty big net on the whole dating scene. He used a phrase that went something like "every daugher of God is beautiful in her own way", or something like that. And while even I believe that's true, I think there needs to be some clarification as to what he meant. Jon wasn't saying that he finds every Christian girl as a suitable partner. He doesn't find them all attractive. But what he does is see value in every Christian woman, as a daughter of the most-high God, which is a credit to God firstly, and then women. To break it to you as easy as I can, most girls just don't make Jon tick. And Christian girls are no exception. So as much as  I don't want this to be a "tell every girl that Jon's a total jerk and you should stay away from him", I want to give you a peek into what exactly it is that he values. Again, this isn't going to be easy for me. You're welcome.

     As of late, Jon's come to fall in love with brokenness. He's seen a fair share of it in his own life, and the life of his friends and family. While many of you are thinking "what the H could someone love about brokenness?", understand that Jon sees it as opportunity. Behind all brokenness is a chance for improvement. Heck, if Jon hadn't moved forward from his brokenness, he'd have put a bullet through his head a few years ago, and I wouldn't be here to entertain you as I am, though I digress. Jon has seen, in the last few months, that Christian women who've been broken at some point in their lives, and aren't ashamed nor try to hide it, are the most real and desireable women in the world. Because they've learned to rely fully on God. Jon believes that while things are going "well" that people are less inclined to seek God. It's through trial and pain that leads a person to the mercy seat of God's throne, that it's humility that casts one's burdens on Christ's sacrice, and it's anguish that allows the Spirit to heal. THAT'S where his heart is. THAT'S what he finds alluring. Women who have been through stuff, and can still stand and say "It is well with my soul", that's Jon right there, and that's not going away.

     I think we can all mostly agree, though I disagree more than most, that Jon is a funny guy. He seems to have a decent grasp on where humor comes from, he can do some impressions, and yeah, he's pushed the envelop a few times and has offended people when he wanted to (those days are, for the most part, over), but all-around, he's got a humorous wit. He values that in women. Girls who are witty and dry. Now this is, as Jon realizes, a nitpick, and it by no means necessary. But he likes it. I won't sugar coat that, as he might be inclined to do. Jon wants a girl he can make smile and laugh, and wants the same in return. Moving on.
--
    You're ruining me. Realist, you're ruining me. I'll be single forever, because you're making me out to be some weirdo. I might as well start buying cats.
--
    That's where you've got it wrong, buddy. I'm helping you. Helping, as I would be inclined to say, clear some of the riff raff. Jon, the last thing you need are more Christian friends that are girls. You've got enough. Moving from the friendzone is difficult, and it's just easier if that doesn't happen to you. Lookin' out for ya, big guy. Hold it together. I'm just going to include a list of likes and dislikes for the rest. Hope it helps.

Likes: dark humor, rap music, sweaters, Fyodor Dostoevsky, the New York Jets, Kanye West, making crock pot food, hookah, Queen, Wendy's, melancholy music, Oklahoma City Thunder, pipe smoking, Jesus, Ray-Bans, coffee.

Dislikes: Max Lucado, most country music, The New York Giants, soup, super happy upbeat music, The Miami Heat, judgmental Christians, and most of all, MAYONNAISE.

     I'm going to leave with that. That's part of the real Jon that you need to know, whether prospective or not. That's Jon. Okay, I think I've done enough damage. Back to you, old bean.
--
     ...Ugh.

     Sorry about him. He can be a real jerk. Well. I hope there are still people out there reading. And willing to be my friend. And I hope that cleared some stuff up. I feel better now. Whew. Sometimes letting that old jerk out is what's best.
--
     I heard that.
--
    Sorry. I love you, man. You make me, me. Well everyone, it's 3:32 in the morning. It's time for sleep. Thanks for hanging in there with me people.

The Perfect Girl

Friends and better friends,

     This blog probably isn't going to have the cheeky feel it usually does, simply because, I don't want it to. There are going to be a lot of feelings in this one, cheery and otherwise. Here's my heart.
--
     I'm 24. Which is kind of old. I remember Desert Storm (a few of you may need to Wikipedia what that is). I was in seventh grade when the September 11th terrorist attacks happened. I voted in 2008. I'm less than a year from being out of the first Selective Service class. I graduated in high school '06.

 

For all intents and purposes, I'm old.

 

     I noticed that I never felt old when I was 21. Or 22 for that matter. So what's changed in the last two years that's made me feel so ancient and out of touch with the "youngins"? The answer is pretty simple. I'm stuck. Because of the decisions I've made in the last six years, I've set myself somewhere between my graduating class and the high school class of 2010. A good chunk of my "peers", these days are people who have never voted for a president. People who can barely remember the '90s and ALWAYS find it strange that I'm a man who's near his mid-20's.

 

Which makes me feel old.

 

     However, I've come to realize why I wouldn't have felt this old two years ago. Back then, I was with a girl. I was with a girl whom I was convinced that I was marrying. Well, we're not together, and haven't been for over two years. Since then, I've felt older every day. Not that it has anything to do with my feelings towards her, in fact I think it's awesome that we're not dating, because we were not good for each other. But realistically, I wasted three and a half years being someone I wasn't and pursuing someone I didn't really want. And I'm reminded of that often. So I feel like a man who's only 21. But the reality of 24 never leaves. I'm rambling. I'm sorry.

--

     Recently I've made a decision. A decision that I feel I've made a few times before. The difference between making it now and making it back then is that I once made it before out of lonliness, pain, and escape. I didn't see much worth in me, and now I do. So I'm making this decision now, in light of the man I amd and slowly becoming. And it pains me to declare this. But, ladies (mostly) and gentlemen, I'm going to start dating again.

 

     You might be asking yourself "what the heck does that even mean?" or "why is he telling us that?" or "what's that guy's phone number? Because I wouldn't mind gettin to know him." Well, I have an answer for all of those. Firstly, it means that I'm pursuing women again in a relational way. I havent done that in a while. If you're a girl that's talked to me in the last 6 months, then I probably had little to no interest in you or if I did I simply denied it. I decided for a while that "women = pain". That's far from true, as long as I have a little wisdom. So I'm now looking. But as you could guess, I'm not just looking for any person to be with (as no one else really is either), I'm looking for the perfect girl (the title makes sense now, eh?).

 

"Um. Jon?"

Yeah?

"...well what does that mean!?!?"

"The perfect girl?"

Well, yeah.

Perfect.

She's gotta be.

"No woman is perfect!"

Mine will be.

 

The girl I marry will be perfect. For me. I have absolutely no doubt about that. Which means she'll likely be the person who hurts and infuriates me more than anyone ever has. She'll bug me more than anyone and she'll be the person that I'll have to work to love the most.

 

And she'll be worth it.

 

The woman that I marry (if I ever do get married) will be my biggest Earthly priority. I will love God above all others, and then my wife second.

 

"Jon, what the heck do you mean by perfect?

You need to explain."

Gladly.

 

The perfect woman, to me, is someone who loves God first. I mean that. If I'm first, I'm not anything. So she has to be pursuing what God has for her, but here's the deal, I have an idea about what I'm going to be doing for a while, and if she's not okay with that, then it's not going to work. I'm going to be absolutely unwaivering in seeking out the plans I beleive God has for me. For right now that probably means being in a different country doing mission work for a while. It could be a few years, or maybe 20. It really just depends. If you're a girl and reading this and were with me up until this point but TWENTY YEARS in a different country turns you off, then that's awesome. I have no doubt God has beautiful plans for you. However, if missions excite you, or you're at least okay with going, then I hope we could talk about that someday.

 

So. There ya go.

 

     The perfect girl just has to love God, and be okay with going somewhere. That's it. That's as picky as I'm really going to be. However, I still believe that God created chemistry for a reason. There does need to be an attraction, but not in such a way that we feel shallow. There are MANY men and women who initially were not attracted to the person they married, and it worked in the best way. I find every daughter of the Most-High God beautiful, in her own way. It really just comes down to how complementary I am to her, and vice versa.

 

     I'll make one more point, and then move on. As I am old, and getting older every day, I feel that it would be best if I found this girl soon. I want to take a page from my friend Michael Patterson (who set a goal like this last year), and say that my goal is to have met and tried pursuing this girl within six months of right now. Ugh. Heavy goals. Movement.

--

"...you vaguely described your perfect woman, 

and have a goal to meet her? What does that entail?"

 

Hey, thanks for asking that.  Well, while I'm not going to devote lots of time to finding her, what I am going to do is try to get to know some of the wonderful ladies in my life. So I may ask a few out for coffee or something. And if I find one that I think is worth pursuing, I definitely will. We'll see where it goes from there.

"...okay then."

Is everything okay?

"yeah, I'm fine, I guess I just don't get why

you decided to tell us all this.."

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The why. Well, I guess there's

no real good reason for putting all this out there, except I

think some people might want to know that I'm taking steps

to put myself out there again. I don't know.

Maybe I shouldn't have told you?

Hmm. No I'm glad. Who knows what could happen from this, right?

 

"you're a confusing man, Jon Dziurawiec"

Sorry.

--

     Well, to everyone, I'm sorry this blog exists. It's scattered. It's a bit awkward. It's not fun. But it's real. And it's here.

 

I'm going to say "goodbye" now, before anyone else gets turned off to my blog entirely.

 

Goodbye.

 

P.S. to my perfect girl, if you're real, I'll be seein ya around ;)

 

 

See ya, everyone.

 

 

...

...

...

"...Goodbye, Jon?"

Oh, I'm sorry, I almost forgot to comment on the third question.

If you want my digits, let me know, I'll get them to you.

Goodbye made up voice that comments on my blog.

I hope I hear from you again sometime.

"Whatever, weirdo. Bye."

     

I Asked for Sweaters.

Yello! Yellooooo.

Yep.

Well enough of that. How are you today? Since you really can't answer me, I'll just assume you're well.
--
     Fall finally feels like it's here. That's going to be a primary motif today. Here's how I Fall in love.
--
I woke up to some BEAUTIFUL rain this a.m. Cold rain. Hard rain. It was lovely. The best early wake up I've had in five years. Errghh.

     I was able to wear jeans today. What a joy. And an Eddie Bauer button up thingy. It was all wonderful. Fall is my favorite time. It's the retirement period of the life of a year. It's when you're able to reflect on what happened and find freedom in the weather. There are a lot of great things about Autumn, but you know what I'd have to say my favorite part is?

Sweaters and flannels.

I love sweaters.

All of my real friends would know that.

Heck, thinking back, I realized that last year I asked my parents for like four or five sweaters for Christmas.

FOUR of FIVE SWEATERS for CHRISTMAS.

 

     Just think about that for a moment. Do you understand what's happened? Because I do, and it's slightly depressing.

I'm old for being 24. I'm really old.

 

I'm 2/7 on my way to death (estimated) and I'm already asking for sweaters. I'm not sure which direction I can really go from here. Maybe some Aqua Velva and a fedora. A cane. Bright blue denims from a farm supply store and some white shoes? Someone please help me, before it's too late. But until then, I'll be showing off my lovely sweater collection via blog. I'm sure each and every one of you will be just as ecstatic as I am for all sweaters you'll see. I'm happy for you. 

--

     Fall ushers in football season. Two years ago, I could not have cared less. Football was nothing to me. Heck, as of October 2010, the last football game I'd been to was my high school making it to the state championship in 2008. And I wasn't in high school then. I'd never been to a Cyclones game, and I had no intention of liking the NFL. And then something changed.

 

     I went to my first Cyclones game in November of 2010. If there are any Big 12 fans out there, you'll either fondly or begrudgingly remember this game. We played the Huskers. We almost won. An uncompleted pass in the endzone lost us a game that we could've tied up with a PAT. But we went for a two-point conversion. The Cyclones may have lost, but I didn't. Going to the game, and being in the atmosphere really ignited a love for football. So I decided to start watching some NFL for diversity's sake (I wasn't going to pick another college team, the Cyclones were my everything). I stumbled across a team that I started to like a lot, for no particular reason, and I haven't stopped apologizing since.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a New York Jets fan.

 

     I'm not sure what it was at first that attracted me to the Jets. I think it's like falling in love. Sometimes you just know. The best bet I can come up with at this point is that I wanted to find a team, they had exposure at the time, they were doing OK, AND they had knocked the Patriots out of the playoffs (my sister's a Patriots fan, so there was some desire to make her mad, sorry sis). Whatever the reason was, I got drawn in. So I want to apologize to many of you who think that I'll be free on Sundays starting now. I won't. With the added Fantasy League I'm in this year, there will be very little but football on the weekends for me this year. It is what it is.

--

MAJOR BLOG ANNOUNCEMENT

 

The last few weeks have left me with a bit of a tug on my heart. I came to the realization that I don't know enough about films. Sure, I've seen my fair share. But I haven't really watched a lot of film.

With that in mind, I have this to say.

You ready?

I'm adding a film section to the blog.

BOOM!

HUGE NEWS!

KAZAANG!

IMPORTANT!

...

 

 

...Sorry

I was too excited for that.

The new section is called Moving Pictures & the Things They Say. I'll be showcasing different movies from different genres, incuding my all time favorites. Probably starting with some films from my all time favorite director, Mr. Stanley Kubrik.

 



 

  I hope you find it enjoyable.

--

 

     Hey now, I think that's about enough blog for you, reader. Get back to your life. Lord knows I need to get back to mine. Thanks for being with me. 







Breakfast Thoughts

Good mafternoon everyone (morning + afternoon, I didn't wake up until eleven)

     It's labor day. Which, for a long time I though was just an extension of mother's day.

"Oh, not only are you mothers, but that means that that you had to go through labor too, so here's a day off for EVERYONE!"

 

 

...Those were my thoughts. I was dumb.

 

     But with the well deserved day off from all the hard work I do, I thought I'd do what I could to bless your day, via blogpost. Lesdoit.

--

     I started off my day unusually. Which means I ate a decent breakfast. I purchased my first French press a few days ago, and have absolutely been loving it. It makes some of the best coffee I've had at home, and if I had a milk frother and some flavor syrups, I'd be dang close to having my own coffee shop. But I digress. Here's what I'm eating. It's not super impressive looking, though that's partially due to my photography skills.

 

So I'm sitting here, enjoying my mountain of bacon and strong, dark coffee. Thoughts abound. Here are a few.

--

    Hipsterisms continued: A Commentary on Hipster-Jon

          In the last few days, I've begun to notice a pattern in my life, that again is moving towards what some may consider "hipster". Not only do I now drink coffee from a French press (it takes longer, is more labor intensive, and is seen as elitist by some AKA hipsterish), but I'm now planning on biking everywhere I can (not every bike rider is a hipster, but every hipster rides a bike), and I just purchased a pretty expensive Timbuk2 messenger bag for my bike trips. Here's a pic of my new baby. 

   Now so far this is the best bag I've ever owned, by far. It's comfortable, super convenient, and has a polyurethane liner so it's waterproof. But the culture around these bags is VERY hipster. They're made in San Francisco, and came with recylcing instructions for all of it's packaging, even a plastic map of San Francisco that's given to all customers, with the intent that if you don't use the map, that it makes a great bike seat cover and that it otherwise should be recycled.

 

     So yeah, that's the culture I'm beginning to get into. Inadvertent Hipster-Jon is being born.

--

     Through It All: Folks, it's been a while since I've posted in this section. There's a lot to say to catch up on, but my main focus is this: there's an indirect variation between physical strength, and the spiritual.

    

     The last two, going on three weeks have been exhausting. Attending (almost) 16 hours of class a week, working 20+ hours and spending 15-20 hours a week on campus working with CRU (I'll dedicate a chunk of a blog to describing what I do with them) and then doing homework and trying to have friends, well I've really had no life at all. I come home drained, usually after 16+ hour days, to a lot more going on.

    

     Recently, God's thrown me into a position of counseling. Several of my friends have been going through some tough things, and I've been able to be there for them. I've realized that all the stuff I've been through has made me a pretty understanding guy, and really someone who's not able to be all that surprised at what I hear. It took me up until now to realized that THAT'S what God had for me all this time. That not only would I come back to him and find peace, but that my experiences and mistakes would be used to help my friends. Along with the campus ministry that I've been doing, I've never felt more spiritually rewarded than now. God's bringing me up to a level I never thought I'd be, and it's tought me a lesson that I'd like to encourage you with.

 

     Don't settle on where you are with God.

 

For almost two decades I was content with where I was, only to come through some trials and realize that I wasn't where I thought I was. I was much further away. I never realized what it meant to be sustained and to literally feel the presence of the most-high God. But it took a lot for me to get there. More than I'd wish on anyone. And maybe you're one of those people who know who you're supposed to be with God, but your running. Let me tell you a little story.

 

     There's an 18 year old freshmen kid named Colton in my Bible study. At first glance he is just one of the happiest, most understanding, and most welcoming people I've met. I've only ever seen him with a smile on his face and a cheerful word. This week at Bible study I asked the students if there was a time when they weren't living up to who they should be. Colton responded, with a smile on his face. I paraphrase.

 

"Well, my parents got a divorce a few months ago. That was hard for me. Two months ago, my dad died. That's when I started drinking. I partied because I didn't want to feel the pain that I had going on in my life. A friend of mine drug me to a weekend Bible conference and the Spirit got to me. He reminded me, no wait he told me for the FIRST TIME who I really was. So I guess I'd say that no matter how much you want to run, that if He wants you, God will catch you..."

 

     I was absolutely stunned.

 

 

This guy has been through more pain than I may ever go through. And it was fresh pain. And he smiled the whole way through it. And ended with, God will catch you. That took me 23 years to figure out. All I can say is that God definitely has a plan for that kid, and he has one for you.

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    The rain today makes me want to do nothing but sit on my balcony and puff my pipe. These are the days I long for. Days that are so blatantly romantic that you don't even have to really look for things to be in love with them for. Mmmm...

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    Well, this blog went a little long. Sorry if it was winded at points. It's definitely not breakfast anymore. I'm heading to a gathering of some friends in a bit for hookah and friend time. And my computer battery is dying now. Well, it's off to the showers for me. Until next time friends. Do what you do and know I love you.

 



 



 

 



Living in Media. Relating Reality.

Welcome back everyone, to my newest blog.

     Now that I've had time to get my thoughts together and realize just how much I've missed this blog, I'm doing everything I can to make this the best one I've done recently. For you. You see, I like you a lot. You're honestly one of my favorite people, because you've taken it upon yourself to be in my head. You've taken steps that the majority of people never will, and I apprecaite that. And since you came here to see what I've been doing, that you shall see. Go.
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     For all of you that don't know, I'm back in school. Yes. Again. I'm old, and I want to apologize for that, but I can't do that in good faith. I am back to get a degree, and then move on. I'm still doing horticulture, not because it's my greatest passion, or because I can honeslty see myself making it my life for the next 50 years, but because it wil take me where I want to go. Growing plants can get me in to some of the most closed countries. Simply having irrigation plans ready can get me into most of Africa. Because people need food. And I want to get them that. And then share the truth with them.

Truth? What truth?

That God loves them. That there's a force moving through the universe who cares for them enough to not only send a goofy, near-sighted American with a crooked nose to help them dig wells and plant crops, but to send that man with the truth of Jesus Christ (I won't get "preachy" with you, though it be my passion). So right now, I can offer the world food and Jesus. However, in some countries, it's hard to do one without the other. I can't get in without the plant knowledge and (this is going to sound bad) I really wouldn't want  to without knowing who Jesus is. So I'm bound to Horticulture. And I'm back. And doing what I can to get the heck outta here. In other words, pray for me and/or send me money. Onward.
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     It shouldn't still be 90 degrees outside. This is stupid. I long for the days of coolness. Jeans and a hoodie. Leaves crunching. Tea in the morning and a glass of whiskey and a book by night. Those days are coming slowly.
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     I love Seinfeld. If you didn't know that then you're either a new friend, or a bad one. I absolutely think it's the greatest sitcom of all time (save for maybe All in the Family). The show is so poignant to real life. And yet it's about nothing. The show has no real base, and accomplishes nothing except to make the viewer laugh. But it is SO dang applicable to life. Here's an example I caught this week while doing some homeworks.

 

 

     I know the quality there wasn't the best, and I apologize for that (to be honest, it took me a long time to get that video on here, just for you). But do you see parallels to today? Anything recent that might have happened that reminds you of this instance? Perhaps a company head who may have voiced a personal opinion about an issue that millions of people blew out of porportion?

 

 

     Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I hate this debate, and even more so the fact that a man voicing an opinion even makes this a debate issue. But, how crazy is it that a show written almost 20 years ago is relevant in this way? Completely applicable. I emplore you to watch more Seinfeld. It will change the way you look at the world. Gittyup.
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     Put Those Ears to Work: Frank Ocean. What do you think of when I say this name? Most of you probably think nothing. A few of you brave sojourners into the world of dark rap may know him from being a part of the rap group Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All (often shortened to OFWGKTA or just Odd Future). Fewer still would know his solo stuff. And that's what I'm touching on today. His first solo album Channel Orange came out a few weeks ago, and I was just now only able to listen to it. The first things that come to mind after the album ends are:

"What the heck did I just listen to?"

"This is the best album since My Beautiful, Dark, Twisted Fantasy."

and simply enough...

"Sublime".

 

     Frank is a young guy. And because of that, I was hesitant to find his words about love believable. I mean, he's barely older than I am, and from listening to the album, you'd think he was some kind of modern day Isaac Hayes. Like he's been in love. He's been on drugs. He's been through the sad existence of decadence and likewise what it feels like to be trapped in poverty. You get the feeling like he's been through the ringer. Like he's been hurt a lot and experienced more confusion and heartache than most people his age. And then the song Forrest Gump hits. And it's all confirmed. I'm not going to give it away. Listen.

   

     When it comes down to it, I love Frank Ocean. He's one of the most real musicians from my generation. He's neo-soul, meaning you older folks don't need to be afraid simply because he's a rapper. He has things to say. And feelings to emote. And I hope he doesn't stop sharing any time soon.

--

     For a little while now, I've been involved in Instagram. If you want to follow me, you're welcome to. Art is never something I understood. And that hasn't changed. But I take pictures and I like them sometimes.

--

     As I now go about the rest of my day, and you yours, I hope you find blessing. That you would know who you are and what you're doing. Thanks for being in my life. 

Where Have I Been?

To my faithful readers:

I'm sorry.

It's been a really long time since I've said anything in blog form. And while I try to have as few delusions about my own popularity as possible, it's just my guess that at least one of you missed my blog a bit.
     But the good news is, I'm back.
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     The last few months have really been full. Weddings, moving, trips to Idaho, a haircut or two, lots of caffeine and occasional pipe smoking.

Wedding season is finally over, and after seeing five of my friends get married, I'm basically a wellspring of wedding knowledge, complete with all stages that go with that. Joy. Jealousy. Happiness. Melancholy. Sobriety. Drunkenness. Maturity. Immaturity. And I think most importantly, realizing just how blessed I am. Because a year ago, I wouldn't be in a place where I could enjoy even one of my friends being happy. God has taken me a long way.
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   So I've moved up a bit, I guess you could say. I am the proud(ish) owner of a smartphone. It's my first ever. And while I'm doing my best not to get attached, it can be tough. It's simply extraordinary convenient. This blog is being written from it. My music is played from it. My banking, my school work, and my social media is all controlled from this device. It's all quite decadent. My hope is that if I get addicted, you'll step up and help me. 
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     Something that's changed since the last time I've blogged is my friends. I've been enriched with many new people in my life. For the first time in my life I've never been surrounded by so many people whom I really think understand me. To naturally get to an intimacy level with people that you see yourself in them and vice versa, is quite possibly one of them greatest things that's happened to me. Finding solidarity in knowing you're not alone and that there are people you've grown close to whom have been through what you've been through is so ridiculously therapeutic. I'm going to go into this more later. I'm including a picture of a coffee half-moon I saw today when hanging with a new friend. I just thought it was perfect. 
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     Well honestly this blog wasn't great. But the cogs are turning. This was a necessary piece of writing to get the thing launched again. Thanks for hanging in there, folks. I love you and look forward to where this thing is going.

     You're beautiful.